Regrets No More

Aunt Ginny’s casket sat in the middle of the church. Surrounded by friends and family we bid her farewell. I hadn’t seen her in 20 years. I blame myself for that. I certainly can’t blame God (well, I could…but that’s pointless)

The June funeral and the spontaneous trip to Boston put me in a precarious position.

Why do I blame myself for not having visited her in 20 years?

Because the last time I saw her, in ’93, I was over the moon excited about moving from the West Coast..to the East Coast. And I let that dream vaporize. I still believe the move would have given me a new lease on life, a new life on the horizon…because I had finally found my rhythm.

But life got in the way. I am still working with God on understanding how and why my life turned out the way it did.

Regret is something we all have to face, big or small. At some level, at some point in time…we WILL have to face ourselves and take a hard look at the choices we made. I’m pretty sure it’s something that happens when we’re facing our last moments of breath on this earth. A tough time to wonder as we’re letting go…..

The deal is – regret is self inflicted. Regret is NOT holy. Regret is meant to frustrate and distract us…regret is the work of the enemy.

One of my biggest moment’s of regret arrived in December of 2011. My only sister who was nearly 21 years older than I, died suddenly. She lived alone. We hadn’t spoken for almost 12 years. We had little to nothing in common; but she was still my sister. We didn’t agree on most things. But we were still sisters. We didn’t know how to get along together. Because of the wide generation gap, we had nothing in common. But the STING of that phone call that day will live in my memory..forever.

It’s going on two years since I got the bad news…and I realize this life has to count for something. Not just because I want it to. Looking back I can already see how so much of my life is not an accident (regardless of anyone else’s oerspective)

Why were we estranged? She thought it was up to me to make the first move of reconciliation. I didn’t think it was up to me to shoulder that responsibility. I suppose I should have sucked in my humility…and called a truce. But, I didn’t because I was certain she would tell me yet again..that I wasn’t good enough, or smart enough, the “accident” for all intensive purposes.

But that’s all water under the bridge now. It’s too late to ask. I don’t fault her or begrudge her for what she said and I’m willing to bet she was really hurting, too. More than anything, I feel sorry for her and I HAVE to learn from the lessons she left behind…the lessons I am learning from all those people whose funerals I have gone to.

I get ONE shot to live, breath, love AND forgive. One chance to learn who I am and why God created me.

It’s up to me to learn about Jesus, the man and understand who He is as the Savior. Jesus had every reason to resent his enemies; but he didn’t. He came here with a mission. He was keenly aware of that mission and he knew who he was. Jesus didn’t have to change because he was already perfect.

The difference for me is that I must change…not how I feel about my history, but how I’m going to approach the here and now, this moment. Am I going to seek Jesus in the every day and try to follow his model or will I subject myself to regret?

Yes, yesterday turned out much differently than I thought it would but by focusing on God’s blessing, I can say goodbye to regret and never look back. I crave peace, joy and restoration.

Don’t get caught up in the devil’s snare of regret. Don’t let regret sap you of your potential…give your regret to God; He can give you Peace, Joy and arms full of Love….

Let it Go!

 

 

 

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