Archive for April, 2013

Watching and Awake

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Watching and Awake

I am a writer. I write. I’ve been writing since I could read (almost). When I wasn’t writing I was always reading. Rarely will you ever find me without some sort of reading material in hand or close by.

In the last year I desperately tried to start “that novel” but God had other things in mind. He simply wouldn’t let the words flow. Then, through series of domino-effect-like affirmations His Will for me to start a blog actually materialized.

I’ve been working steadily on reading the bible and writing the blog. I have hesitated for many weeks to post anything. It was one thing to acknowledge I was working towards this goal but it was another to actually let go of it and “watch it bloom.” I know there are friends out there praying for me to let this happen and ride God’s Holy Wave. With all the bad news that’s been “percolating” out there; why is this blog happening now? Because, it’s time.

The one thing I don’t want to do is insult God with my own insecurities. Yes, I’m nervous. I’m nervous about how God’s going to use it. I’m nervous about the domino effect it may have. I’m nervous because…I’m putting myself – my thoughts out there with the intention of being “raw, real and honest” about my journey.

Well, I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of wondering. I’m tired of considering all the “what-if’s” running through my head. Most of all, I’m tired of second guessing God. By holding back what I have written, I am not REALLY letting Him put to use the talent I firmly believe He’s given me to share. And that is just WRONG. He called me to do this and the time has arrived…

So, here is my next step of faith, I’m posting an entry, today, and hopefully (regularly) on a weekly basis.  Wherever it takes me, I am counting on His holding my hand and enjoying the ride along with me.

Thank you, Jesus. Please continue to bless what I write and bless those who read the words that follow as well.

May Your will be done –

Obedience: Dressing the Soul

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Me:        Yes, God, I’m here – I’m reading

G:           “It’s time to write.”

Me:        But I’d love to keep reading, just 5 more minutes?

G:           “I’m glad you are getting to know me, but I need you to write”

Me:        Really? Fine…(Grr) …

G:           “What was that?”

Me:        “Nothing…I was just…nothing. I’m starting to write”

So I stop what I WAS doing to answer God’s call to write. He asked me to write this last night. I put off the request because I was figuring out which blogger site to use. By the time I was ready to write, it was 1am and I was tired. Obviously He’s calling me out on my “procrastination” J

Obedience is tough. God is demanding but loving and here’s why I know that’s true.

6 years ago – 2007?

For 4 months the pain tortured me. I couldn’t move my blasted right shoulder. Literally or Physically. It started out as a minor irritation that I couldn’t readily identify. Until I could even raise my arm. The pain was beyond intense. I stood in the kitchen and cried. I had two beautiful babies (they’ll ALWAYS be my babies) that, at the moment, I felt I couldn’t care for. A strange sensation ebbed through me. I could tell the end of the road was nearing and I really didn’t know what that meant.

Months passed and the pain not only worsened but it overwhelmed to the point of incapacitation. I honestly thought I might die. No joke. The Doctors could find no source of pain. No medication helped. I was on my own.

At 38 years old I lay in bed one night. I folded my hands in prayer position and I silently prayed to God a NOT so normal prayer.

“Dear God,

I am in horrific pain. You and I both know this is NO way to live. It is too painful to go on. I hurt so much.  I am through struggling. I am tired. I am ready for this to be over. Yet I will NOT have a part in ending my life. It is NOT my own to take. I love you Lord and you can help. I am on my knees at your feet. Please, either let me die and be at rest with you in Eternity or Heal Me. I am ready to be at peace. If death awaits me, please take care of this family and fill them with your spirit. Comfort them and hold them close. If you are going to heal me, I ask that your miracle touch comes quickly Lord. If you heal me I will follow you and dedicate my life to serving you in obedience.  Whatever your will, Father, let it be done and help me find restoration, peace and rest.  Amen.

Rest had eluded me for weeks if not months. By the time I’d finished my prayer, random tears streamed from my closed eyes to my ears and I laid there not knowing what the morning might bring. My broken body and defeated spirit lay at Jesus feet. I didn’t have another step in me.

I didn’t die that night. And nothing changed the next day. Or the next day. But several days after that lonely experience…SOMETHING did happen.

I was sitting in the home office in the chair – ALONE. No one spoke, but someone was there. My shoulder was still in extreme pain. THEN – I felt what amounts to an “invisible hand” place itself on the inner portion of my injured shoulder and “Click” something into place. The energy present when this happened was HIGH. I didn’t breathe, I couldn’t breathe. I was holding my breath because of the Holy presence in the room. The spirit of God lingered only long enough to restore my health and for me to know He was there. I knew He had accomplished what no medical Dr. had been able to find and fix. God knew what ailed me. He’d simply been waiting for me to come to the foot of the cross and surrender myself to him in my time of need.

So, what did this experience result in? It was the opening page in my “novel” of walking in obedience.

He is patient. I need to be patient.

His timing is perfect. I’m either late or early.

Jesus is Obedient to God and I AM called to be obedient to Jesus.

These three points alone could actually be used to write an entire book. OH! I forgot…they were: it’s called the Bible!  A plethora of examples can be found in The Word. Incidentally, I’d never read the bible before. BUT that is changing and I am in the middle of a one year reading plan I started in January. Yep, and it’s got some really good stuff in it.

The point here is: Obedience to God isn’t something to take lightly, but it is something we ought to do if we want to live the kind of life we were designed for. Think about it. We can wear designer clothes. We try to make our homes look like something straight out of a magazine. We drive fancy cars with heated seats. But which designer are you going to choose for dressing your soul? There are only two options. Will you feed it scriptural nourishment complete with peace, joy, love, mercy and kindness or shrouded in doubt, sickness and sin?

As a footnote, I grew up believing in God and Jesus. I knew who they were. All that was well and good until the time came that Jesus needed more of me and the talents that will serve Him.

He has a plan for my life and until recently l didn’t recognize it. Once the “appointed” time came and I was at Rock bottom, he was prepared and ready to purify me. He could not start working on the inside of me until I was begging for those adjustments. I was facing the fiery furnace but He was there as I stepped in…ready to keep me safe from harm. I escaped unsigned but not unchanged. I had been broken but not beaten. I was a sinner that had eternal salvation. God is good. He’s like that. He doesn’t want any of us to burn in our own sin but to come out of the fire in purest form…refined.

Six years later I find myself taking the baby steps to give this blog “life.” I don’t know what His ultimate plans are for me or for what this blog is supposed to accomplish but I continue to trust in Him and walk where He guides me.  Who knows where that will lead? At least I know He does.

I hope the life of this blog brings a little bit of light into your world. The view from the hilltop is pretty and on a starry night the lights from the city below are breathtaking.

Be showered with blessings. Thanks for sharing the journey….

This is a music video from one of my favorite bands, the Newsboys…it’s called “One Shot.”